Cold and warm relationships at work

In the workplace, we all experience a vast array of different interpersonal relationships.  Some of our colleagues are warm, some are cold and we have to balance our attitude and feel comfortable around everyone. We asked ourselves what are some the issues we’ve seen or discussed with people we have met. Kyoungjin Ha our main massage therapist has given us a few clues into how to make relationships work better in a work environment.

Understanding that warmth is a commodity

We’re all too busy at work, everyone is working on their work projects and offices interactions often lack warmth.

At work we are all expected to deliver our work and respect deadlines which effectively turn us into individual units of production. There is a natural pressure at work to turn us into anonymous productive units working.

Becoming anonymous makes us look the same, we become indistinguishable.

The only way to counter this is to realize that not everyone is alike and we are all unique. We all have qualities and faults and everyone has a particular and unique personality.

At work it is important for us to communicate with all our colleagues, understand their personalities; realize what makes them special in order to cast a light on what makes them unique. If you seek what is the warmth in your colleagues (=what makes them unique, then you will discover that you can have warm relationship with anyone in your workplace.

Discover yourself, discover others

However, we all have our own hurdles to discover others. Some of us have serious emotional obstacles to warmth and intimacy. We can be afraid to come too close to our colleagues or being too open. We are afraid that if we come too close or if we are too open, we will be invaded, controlled or hurt.

These are simply ancient fears coming from our own experience and we have to get rid of them completely in order to become warmer.

There is no miracle cure for inbuilt fear so it’s one step at a time. Find what is good about yourself, what you like and try to match that with your collegues’s qualities. Then proceed to exchange moments around a coffee, discussions in the workplace around what you like in common. Once we become confident and have found much common ground with colleagues, we forget irrational fears.

No magic formula here, it’s one step at a time.

How to behave around cold people

Most of us have some inner warmth and face difficult moments when work colleagues are cold or not friendly.

A natural tendency would be to change oneself, try to become colder as others are, ignore them or even be as rude, however this is a waste of energy.

The best way to handle work colleagues that are colder than us is to keep content with ourselves. To do this we have to accept that judging others is healthy and keeps you sane.

So if someone is not positive around you, it’s just plain okay to tell yourself that you are in a better place that where they are and that you are the happier person. Simply this attitude will strengthen you and will allow carrying on your own attitudes without having to adapt to negative energy around you.

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[ Tagged In ] busy at work, colleagues, emotional obstacles, fears, interpersonal relationships, massage therapist, warm relationship, warm relationships, work environment

Sexual tension at work

Sexual tension in the workplace is probably an inevitability for all of us at least once in our careers.

“Sexual intercourse is a grossly over-rated pastime; the position is undignified, the pleasure momentary, and the consequences utterly damnable” Lord Chesterfield

Despite Chesterfield’s opinion of one of the things involved, many people are fans of sexual tension. It can of course be exhilarating and pleasing, much in the same way as any romantic connection can.  There is the added twist of risk but the added advantage that seemingly innocent excuses can be found for crossing paths with a favoured colleague.  As with all relationships, complications ensue – however, there are ways to enjoy things whilst at the same time not damage your professional reputation, productivity or promotional prospects.

1. Flirting

Flirting can be a lot of fun, and is often a low-key way to make a connection with someone, either out of client focus or out of a desire to find out more about what someone is like.  It is also relatively risk-free, no one has ever been sued for sexual harassment for flirting.  Like anything though, flirting can go too far, but if it’s piece-by-piece this risk is diminished immensely.  Most people do like to be flirted with, whether this flirting takes the form of charm, attention or just a pleasing conversation that is not immediately within the bounds of work or shares a joke.  Flirting may seem like a daunting prospect, but if you are a bit confident (or sound it) this will help, have a few stories and ideas about things and express them at the right moment.  Often it’s all in the timing, so if you are wanting to see it done well, watch actors do it on telly or comedians on panel shows, and just see how they do it.

2. Listen

The main thing with any relationship forming is to listen.  I would still advise responding to what happens in whatever way is appropriate, but it could only be a smile or a nod.

3. Make a connection

This can be regarded as a step on from flirting, and is closer to building a longer-term relationship, either for something romantic or just a client/supplier one.  Either way this is the time when your experience in relationships and ability to listen will come to the fore, and your ‘feel’ for how things are going will be helpful to you.  This may sound daunting but again, it’s not – just let it happen.  You will enjoy it as much as you want to.

4. Be affectionate

Small actions can also be of great importance here.  But again, take your time, no matter how much you may want to take things further quickly it may be best to establish a connection which is clearly not work-based before doing this – just so do not get hurt.

So, that bit extra can occur and be useful, but above all do not worry and stay in control.  Do not feel you should get involved in something you do not want, but equally do not let think they will have something they will not.  Enjoy

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[ Tagged In ] colleague, professional reputation, sexual harassment, sexual tension

Comfortable work clothes

“Dress sharply and they notice the dress.  Dress impeccably and they notice the woman – Coco Chanel”

This was quoted by Sigourney Weaver in the 80s classic film Working Girl, to Melanie Griffith.  Although we all love to look just right of not really good, this can be a burden in the current financial climate and is only compounded if we ever need to don personal protective equipment (PPE) for any of our work tasks, writes relaxedworkplace.com’s health and well-being consultant Samuel Furse.

Other clothing worries our clients have told us about are in looking right for the role and feeling good at the same time.  In the third quarter of 2009, 59.6% of female respondents approved of the attire worn on casual days in the professional environment. This is a 10.9% increase on three years ago, indicating a growing acceptance of relaxed wardrobes in the work place.

“I absolutely think that there’s a firm middle ground in office dressing today,” offers Jeannine McShane, a performance specialist with Employee Performance Strategies, a training consulting company based in Washington, USA. “It’s not like it used to be, where women wore suits and dresses five days a week to make a statement about their professional commitment. Of course, office attire is not about ignoring what you’re wearing, but dressing appropriately and keeping the emphasis on what truly counts; job performance,” she told us.

We know that our clients place productivity, client focus and project deliverables at the top of the list at work, but if you feel your clothes let you down, you’ll want an answer.  How do we solve this?  Well, here is relaxedworkplace.com’s simple 5 step-guide to getting kitted out for work functions, safety tasks, away days, training and anything else your boss can throw at you

Step 1 – Be comfortable.  If you look at a suit, dress, or combo and think you’ll never be comfortable in it, it’ll never be worth buying it.  People can see if you are not comfortable and this will only make things harder for you in the long run.  The worst-case scenario is that it lowers your productivity and damages your client focus – it’s just the sort of thing that can take your eye off the ball, and no one wants that.

Step 2 – Be practical. If you find an outfit that looks great, do a quick mental check that it will help you out at work.  After all, if it lets you down, it’ll never put you in a good light.  Also, take confidence in yourself to be clever – hidden pockets, adjustable sizing and removable layers are all great if you find yourself moving from one room to another, one situation to another or for making an outfit multi-seasonal.

Step 3 – Plan ahead. An excellent opportunity for clothes shopping if nothing else, but planning what you’ll wear is as important as planning the deadlines and those deliverables.  So, take the time to pick up an outfit or two on your day off, you never know when they might be useful.  Planning also means that you don’t have to splash out every time you buy new clothes.  It’s amazing how cheaper clothing from on-line retailers and auction sites can be just as good or better than High Street retailers with a bit of planning

Step 4 – Choice. Give yourself a choice!  No one wants to wear the same thing over and again, and clients, colleagues and senior staff you want to make a good impression on for that promotion will only be impressed if you show freshness and variation in what you wear.  Also, it means that when you get up in the morning you can put on what feels just right – whether it’s for a project meeting, interview, board meeting, field trip or business lunch, you’ll be right in there.

Step 5 — Be true to yourself.  Trust your own instincts – that’s good advice for real women and cinematic sirens alike.  Coco Channel would surely approve!

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[ Tagged In ] coco chanel, office attire, professional commitment, professional environment, work functions, work tasks, working girl